Research is Important, Hetalia Fans.

Edit: So, as I’ve been wrapped up in this entire chaos concerning the petition, I forgot to publish this week’s critique of Gakuen Hetalia Sudden Change!, and I apologise for that. So, if the attitude is contrary to what the petition-creator wanted, I apologise, but I had this written up prior to the petition’s creation.

Once again, please don’t troll, this is critique, not a personal attack, and remember, we aren’t FORCING YOU  to think anything. We are simply here to provide suggestions.

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Okay, so, here we are, at the second-to-last chapter from Gakuen Hetalia Sudden Change!, but before we start, I have something to say.

Going back and looking at the reviews for Sudden Change, I noticed this review by an anonymous user:

[text added, in case you can’t read it:]

omg you’re awful

PLEASE, KILL YOURSELF
HOW?
EAT YOUR SHITTY “”“”“”“FANFIC”“”“”

Yay i went to a friends house but i only got to stay for like 10 minutes xD first time going to someones house actually (besides my mom’s friends house with little kids that i cant even talk to forwardly besides my friend who also like hetalia, Emily…) . ummmmmm yeah i dont know what to write here at all. 030 oh well~

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I wish Carrie wasn’t in the class I was in, considering she likes to cause me some trouble although she is my best friend. Well so is Melissa but Melissa just causes trouble accidentally, being the over protective type.

How does being overprotective cause trouble, again? Do you go against her overprotective nature?

Also, where is Melissa? We haven’t seen her since…chapter three, I think. Does she just…not exist when she’s not important to the plot?

The substitute in the room was fully asleep as the class talked so loudly, he didn’t move at all making me think he was dead.

Most prestigious school in the world, worst substitutes.

Sure, that makes sense! Because why not?

England walked over to Carrie right in front of her and Japan. “Since I’m part of the student council I have to report this to the council president. What you did Japan was against the rules of World Academy W, you will be expelled.”

Go, Arthur. Putting logic back in the in the insanity that is this school.

Japan’s face was white like a ghost. Carrie didn’t like it at all.

“Angleterre, if you do” a Belarusian aura filled the air

I will never not be angry at the whole “Belorussian = evil” thing.

“ill kill you.

Holy shit! That escalated quickly! I shouldn’t be surprised, considering how grimdark these OCs are, but damn, Carrie, have a cup of green tea or something!

Anyway, most people just think your anime characters.”

“Yeah so did I. I never really though you might be real but here you are…”

I haven’t read the previous chapters in…what feels like ages, but if I’m not incorrect, this contradicts what the Author wrote in the previous chapters. I think.

Consistency!

I looked at Carrie; a little mad since she told me nothing at all.

“So Japan really didn’t do anything… other than providing my yaoi.”

Which stars his classmates. Who are also now your classmates.

I nodded, happy that Japan showed Hetalia to Carrie and me.

“You’re what?” England looked confused as usual to Carrie’s yaoi mind.

“Don’t ask England, you’ll be confused and scarred for the rest of your life.”

I’d be confused and scarred if people made gay porn of me and my co-workers/classmates, too, but let’s be reasonable, it’s not like England DOESN’T  have gay porn or anything.

“Which, by the way, is probably going to be hundreds of years on top of you age now” Carrie said.

“I’m not old France is the one that is old.” England added.

Wouldn’t actually being old = good for nation-tans? I would think so!

“China’s the oldest age and mental wise, skitsophrenic.” Carrie added in.

Wha…why is China suffering from a serious mental illness!? What the fuckingFUCK?

Is this a reference to something, like China’s difficult transition to capitalism during the 1980s? If so, then OC creator, I am…absolutely appalled.

“that cancels out ‘mental wise’, Carrie.” I lazily added in.

“And you expect me to think that magical beings are following you around like stalkers?” Carrie was now getting into that subject.

Where did this question even come from. Really.

“Its true!” England exclaimed trying to keep the volume down.

“This is a lovely conversation we’re having.” I said smugly, even though I know no one was listening to what I had to say. I feel like Canada sometimes, Carrie knows what I say, at least when she’s not to into the conversation.

“FAIRIES ARENT REAL!” Carrie doesn’t care if the teacher was asleep or not, as long as she’s happy she’ll kill anyone who doesn’t agree.

HOLY SHIT, CARRIE. YOU CAN’T JUST MURDER PEOPLE.

“DON’T SAY THAT!” England was now fuming, screaming like a mad dog at Carrie.

“you do realize its time for the last period now right?” I looked at the clock to make sure. Yep it was indeed time to leave for the next class. Next thing I knew a Carrie was walking towards the door.

So, how does this school system work? Do the teachers rotate, or do the students rotate? I’m so confused, there have been both, and I can feel my brain dripping out of my ears.

“I DON’T BELIEVE IN FAIRIES!” Carrie exclaimed as she left out the door. I tried to follow her too.

“Carrie wait!” At the same time England said “Come back here you damned French!”

Again with the xenophobia. Congrats, Author!

Carrie turned around “Quoi?”

“SHUT THE HECK UP, BOTH OF YOU!” I screamed as both of them are at each others throat. I grabbed Carrie before England could say anything I pulled a Carrie, magically getting something out of nowhere, taped his mouth shut, grabbed Carrie again and ran.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED I AM SO CONFUSED.

Carrie, completing the FRUK reference, dragged England away from behind as he struggled to take the tape out.

WHAT FRUK REFERENCE I DON’T SEE ANYTHING

“That’s it fuck this, I’m going home.” I said. As I left I could hear a little bit of bickering between them, knowing Carrie she wanted to convince England of dating France, again.

Carrie pov~

WE’RE SWITCHING POINT OF VIEW NOW WHAT THE FUCK AAAAHHH

“Come on Angleterre~.” I said as I tried to sound more like France.

“Let me go!” Iggy struggled in my hands.

“Non.” I held him with a grip.

I thought you hated him, what are you doing trying to abduct him?

“Turn me loose now!” Iggy is so cute when he is mad honhonhon~

Stop it. Stop it with the awful French. Stop it with the awful accents. Just.

Stop.

“Je taime.” I let England go

Son of a  BITCH!

“what did you say? Oh never mind I’m leaving!” Iggy headed for the stairs ready to tell the student council president. I followed behind him saying “Je taime, Te amo, Ti amo, Ich liebe dich, Jegelskerdig, Jeg elsker deg.”

For someone who just threatened to kill him, Carrie is pretty infatuated with Arthur. That’s a quick turnaround.

And not in a good way.

In the, “Your characterisation skills are absolutely awful” way.

“leave me alone with that nonsense already!” Iggy said as he walked down the stairs with speed and out of my sight. I quickly ran down to where England was at. “Can you not understand me?” I took a huge breathe.

Well, of course he would be able to understand her. He’s only been alive hundreds of years, and interacted with hundreds of people from all over the world in that long, long life of his.

“I said I love you!” I yelled at him but since Iggy was all the way down he must’ve heard something completely different.

“I hate you too!” Iggy then bolted away, desperately trying to get to the council room. “I didn’t say I hate you…” I mumbled as a voice came through to me as I ran after him.

And…now he’s turned into a love interest? Out of nowhere? Is this because of all the FrUK references? If so, well…I have a bathtub full of cheap alcohol for situations like that.

Emelie pov~

I felt bad for leaving Carrie so I went back to hear her scream at the stairs. Carrie, being the way she was, ran to the room England was in. Me being clingy ran after her saying “W-wait!”

“England!” Carrie tore the door down.

Carrie: Yaoi fan, violent mob boss, She-Hulk.

“C-Carrie don’t just tare it down!” I said screaming from the top of my lungs. England turned around to see Carrie and me.

“What the bloody hell!” Carrie opened her mouth ready to say something, I prepared myself for the worst.

These are the two most logical reactions I’ve seen out of either character in this entire fanfiction.

“England I didn’t say I hated you.” I was a bit surprised since she wasn’t speaking Frenglish but speaking English again.

“It doesn’t matter why the bloody hell did you tare the door down! And why are you here!” Carrie was beginning to blush hard.

“I don’t know and to protect Japan and tell you I love you…” The last few words were mumbled but I heard her clearly.

Ooh, boy. Let’s see how the poorly-characterised version sof everyone deal with this.

This is going to be good.

Or awful.

Either way, I’m sitting in that bathtub of alcohol right now.

“Carrie if your gonna say it then don’t mumble.” I wanted her FRUK madness to end already so we could get to class already. But honestly I just wanted to see what might happen if she said that to him.

Wait, she actually is in love with EnglandONLY BECAUSE OF HER “FRUK MADNESS” AND NOT BECAUSE OF ANYTHING ELSE!?

While Carrie procrastinated I looked around the room quickly and saw the members of the council. Spain sitting on a leather chair, Romano next to him with what looked like reports, Greece sleeping with a cat on his head which by the way was super cute!, and finally France inspecting a flower vase. I didn’t get why France was inspecting a flower vase until I realized it had a painting of a naked lady and a man.

Okay, that is either an artistic vase or a vase with porn on it.

If it’s artistic, he has the right to be examining it, and you shouldn’t be freaking out, Emilie.

If it’s porn, then why is it in the office in the first place?

I quickly looked away from the nasty seen paying attention to the situation.

“I-I said I love you, England!” Carrie was now fully blushing.

“Aww Carries blushing!” I teased her playfully which she thought was an insult.

“Shut up!” Carrie threw a book at me with force. I dodged the book remembering our training back home.

Right. I forgot that Carrie trained these girls, because…of reasons? I have no idea.

“please don’t throw books at me, books should be read not used as weapons of destruction. Carrie then decided to go British.

“Shut the bloody hell up I’m about this close to killing you and you’re lecturing me on the proper use of literature!”

So, she has a Belorussian side, a French side, and a British side.

All split personalities.

“okay okay but don’t get mad at me. Will you please excuse me I must go sulk in a corner…” I pulled a Tamaki on everyone while I sulked in a corner growing mushrooms.

“Emelie you’re growing mushrooms.”

This is…just extremely meta, extremely pointless, extremely dumb. Yes, we understand, you watch anime. Now, please, can we go on?

“Let Prussia have them.” I started to sob while I rocked back and forth, hugging my knees while getting strange looks. Carrie on the other hand wasn’t pleased so she grabbed me by my collar and dragged me out the room.

“Huh? Wait Carrie aren’t we supposed to help Japan?”

What’s that? APLOT ITEM!?

“I cant help anyone with you being in the corner, so never mind.” She began to drag me to the stairs as I tried to get out of her grip.

“N-no ill stop sulking! We have to help Japan!”

“okay.” She didn’t hesitate as she grabbed my arm, this time dragging me back to the room.

Don’t you guys have classes to go to? Why don’t you just go to yur next class and plan this?

‘She does know I can just walk there right?’ I questioned myself in my head. Right when we reached the door she threw me in as I landed straight on my face. “Ow!” noticing everyone’s glare on us, I instantly couldn’t speak.

“Japan didn’t do anything - wait. Romano, you’re the student council president, right?”

“Yeah who is the president?” I questioned although I had a feeling I already knew. All the faces turned to Spain, without Greece of course since he was still sleeping, which Spain, who was eating a Churo looked straight at us with a smile.

Of course he’s eating a churro. Of course.

“England, what did you think Spain would do?” Carrie asked England.

“… you’re right but I still have to report. And what the bloody hell did you mean by ‘I love you’?” England turned a lovely shade of pink as he said ‘love’.

Wel, there goes England’s one shot at being a well-developed character…

“All the things I was saying were I love you in different languages. And, because I love you.”

“Carrie that’s not a good reason.”

“Yes it is.”

“Nien.”

“Ja.”

“Nien.”

“you’re pronouncing it wrong.”

Says she whose OC butchered more languages than I thought was possible.

“sorry haven’t practiced my German at all lately…” I felt kinda depressed considering I sucked when speaking German, when it came to other languages I was fluent and natural. While we had bickered England stood there with a WTF! Face.

“England?” Carrie waved her hand over his face. He didn’t respond and Carrie poked, touched, and tried pulling his face off. Basically franking his face.

“Eyebrows, make him respond…”

Yes, because the best way to make someone you have a crush on love you back is by PRODDING HIS FACE.

There was a little twitch where Carrie touched but it wasn’t enough. Soon everyone in the student council started to France England’s eyebrows. I just stood there and watched as Japan came out of nowhere and taped the whole thing.

I…WHY?

Carrie was now thoroughly rubbing his eyebrows.

“Carrie and council used poke. Poke super effective.” Japan giggle slightly at my narration.

Oh, look, another Pokemon reference. Great and clever. As if I haven’t seen that already.

I was happy to know he giggled even if it was quiet. While I watched Carrie was harassing his E-zone.

Holy shit, his eyebrows areEROGENOUS ZONES?!

That’s sexual harassment! That would be akin to poking, prodding, and overall touching someone’s groin! And she knows this! Someone stop her!STOP STANDING THERE AND ENJOYING IT, YOUR FRIEND IS BEING SEXUALLY HARASSED ASKDJFJFFLSLD—-

Just as he came out of his daze, his face turned bright red as he screamed then ran out the door - kinda impossible since there is no door just a door frame.

And you know what, I would be, too. I don’t see why everyone is acting as if Arthur’s reactions weren’t justified.

Carrie immediately ran after him.

OH SHIT

GO GET HELP, ARTHUR, QUICK.

“Carrie! never mind…” I didn’t go since now I was the only one left to help poor Japan. This was my first day and already I got into some mess caused by someone else.

“Um well fist off my name is Emelie Catrix… it’s a pleasure to meet you.” I was somewhat nervous considering what happened before.

Didn’t she introduce herself to everyone already? Or is she introducing herself to the Student Council?

France ignored the mood and came full speed at me, then took my hand to his face.

“Ah such a beautiful lady non?” he kissed my hand but I didn’t feel like those girls who would squeal and blush but instead I yanked my hand away. I had somewhat met France before but he wasn’t this engaged in me before. Maybe because Carrie is gone… she must’ve done something to control him.

If you make France a rapist, Author, I’m going to cry. And drown myself in paint thinner.

“Yeah well as you probably know Japan showed the world that countries with personifications exist. I came here to protect Japan from suspension or worse expulsion.”

“Thank you Emerie-san.” I blushed at how funny he had said my name, it was hard to keep a straight face.

Why must we continue with the accents, Author? Why?

“No problem… Besides it doesn’t matter right? No one believes that personifications of a country are real anyway. I mean just look at me I didn’t believe either until yesterday, when I found out about England.” Spain stood up from his chair and the tension in the room grew. Romano stared at the easy going guy wondering what the idiot had to say. Then spain made his mind and said “Emelie was it? Thank you for stating your opinion~ Japan is free to go since I believe in what you say but I cant simply let you go without punishment.”

Thank you, logic! You showed up again!

Spain’s eyes showed a dark cold metallic color making me feel a shiver down my spine as is prepared myself for a fight.

“what’s the punishment Spain?” I asked, waiting for his reply. I half expected him to say ‘your soul motherfucker’ guess I’ve been watching to many films lately.

STOP WITH THE CONSTANT POP CULTURE REFERENCES. THERE IS A TIME AND A PLACE, AND YOU HAVE OVERDONE AND GONE FAR PAST IT.

“It’s- wait how did you know my name?…Oh yeah. Well the punishment is in PE tomorrow. We will be playing Hide and Dodge where you hide with a dodge ball and hit opponents with it. It is very much like dodge ball but you’re hiding. If you lose then you have to get detention for two weeks and eat with Romano and I for lunch for three and a half weeks, while we feed you weird foods.” it sounded normal day life for me but I wont lose to amateurs, especially people who have never seen what Carrie can do on a play ground.

That’s the punishment!?

THAT’S IT!?

No! Kiku broke one of the school’s most important (and admittedly few) rules, and he potentially endangered the entire student body! He should be punished more than that!

“I’ll do it.”“

“wait Emerie-san shourdn’t we think about this first! Its onry you and me wont Carrie be on the other team?” Japan was right, I had to get her on my team or else we would lose instantly.

WHY ISN’T KIKU THE ONE BEING PUNISHED.

“I’ll think of something but for now give me some time to think.” Japan nodded as the council sent us to our classes with an excuse. My class was health and considering health being boring as it is I just walked in without a care. I saw America sitting near the back as he waved me over mouthing the words ‘come over here!’ I casually walked over to him as I noticed Russia, China, Lithuania, and Estonia. Russia and China were very close together while the two Baltic countries edged away from them. The teacher instructed me to read pages blah blah blah. America slid a note to me, I was drawing at the time so I couldn’t care less.

God, these kids are awful. This school is so hard to get into that pretty much only NATIONS are in it.  How could you not be trying to learn with all your might?

Hey :D

Hey what’s up America? :)

This is boring I don’t understand any of this );

Then stop talking to her and pay attention.

You don’t need to, basically its just about how you fuck

Yes, because obviously, health class is all about sex.

Hey isn’t that important?

No he’ll go over it again later in the year but since it’s the first day it doesn’t matter

Yeah ok but do you see Russia sliding his hand up and down China’s… leg?

…This is a school of voyeurs.

I looked over to see what he meant. There the scene was, Russia sliding his hands up and down China’s great wall.

Ha I still have a very weird yaoi mind oh well. I wrote back to America’s note.

Don’t worry about it unless you like that stuff, which I wont judge your preferences.

What I wrote made America cringe with disgust. And I really thought he might love England or something. Too bad then but USUK is my favorite and I wish it had more love but we all know that it probably wont.

Our marvelous submitter, umekopyon, would also like to add:

Because we all know that USUK is one of the most underappreciated ships in the entire fandom, amirite?

Oh, yeah. Definitely. Because it’s not like that is, by far, one of the most popular ships in Hetalia, or anything.

Not saying that you can’t justify it—but to say that it is unpopular is just incorrect.

America passed back the note cautiously as he noticed the teacher look up from the computer.

Hell no. I don’t like that type of stuff dude I like chicks. I think the teacher is watching porn with his headphones .’

So, the US and the UK’s special relationship isn’t all that special, I see.

Not that I ship USUK, just saying.

I giggle slightly thinking of the possibility. I responded back to his note.

Yeah he has one hand down and a box of tissues right next to him! xD Very naughty

You two are disgusting. Go do your work.

…I sound like a classroom teacher.

This is where my life has gone.

America couldn’t keep his laughter. “Mr. America to the detention room now!”

“oh ok Mr. masturbator oops I meant Mr. Cummins.” I couldn’t keep my laughter in and I started laughing out loudly.

“both of you go to the detention room NOW!” I followed America out the door as I stuck my tongue out at him.

“Enjoy your porn, jackass.”

Emilie, what the hell!? YOU TWO ARE AWFUL AND YOU SHOULD FEEL AWFUL.

I slammed the door in the teachers face, continuing to go to the detention room but I had to follow America until he started to talk once again.

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Matrix:crap -.- for some reason the lines things ive used before wont show up and i cant write like this. if it shows up ignore the first sentence. I turned this into mature because i have dirty language and i really cant hold my tongue xD Carrie: . your awkward Matrix: yes i am =7= Emelie: ughhhhhh get to the next day already! Matrix: yeah i know its still on the first day but the others will be shorter but the chapters longer like instead of 2000 words ill have more like 5000 or something. Carrie: you write to much in that book *snatches book* ima draw on it Matrix: NOOOOOO!
Matrix never learned her lesson~ Carrie almost drew on the book and Emelie met with Greece and had a nap~

Prussia: What are you doing here? Matrix: stop breaking the fourth wall, damnit now i gotta rebuild it . Carrie: haha! Prussia: I AM AWESOME! matrix: yeah yeah get back into the story for later . Emelie: Canada~ Matrix and Carrie: Who?

I’m going to be honest, I didn’t read that entire banter between the OCs, the canon characters, and the author more than I skimmed it, but even that was enough.

This chapter has honestly only done more to make me dislike the main characters and support Arthur. They’re just really, really bad people. Not even “bad/evil in the kind of way that’s attractive,” like Loki seems to be. No, they’re bad in the way that makes me want to stay away from them and anything associated with them.

Of course, that’s not difficult, for next week is the last chapter. It feels…surreal, almost.

A word of warning, though. It doesn’t end more than it just…stops. In fact, that’s what it does. The author discontinued it. Of course, if I were given death threats, I would, too.

Remember, you have the right to be angry, and you have the freedom to critique, but as soon as you throw mindless abuse at someone, you’ve become worse than what you are angry at.

So, keep that in mind, all, as we continue onto the next—and final!—chapter of Gakuen Hetalia Sudden Change!, which, let’s be honest, hasn’t come soon enough.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch videos of kittens to make the awfulness that is Alfred’s, Emilie’s, and Carrie’s characterisations disappear.